My Literacy Narrative :)

            It was July 31^st, 2005 at 4:30 AM when my parents got home. I knew what was coming, but I did not want to believe it. It could not happen. Not me, not my family. Why could such a thing happen? I looked at my best friend, Brianna, for an answer. Any answers to help get rid of the tightness in my throat. The slightest hope that this was all just a horrible nightmare and I would wake up any minute. She was silent, only staring at me. I saw the tears brimming in her big brown eyes. I got up off the couch and ran to the kitchen where my parents were. They looked exhausted, like they decided to give up on everything. My mom looked at me and said, “He’s gone.” That was all it took to shatter my entire world. Jesse, my little brother, was really gone. I felt like I was going to be sick at any moment. How? Why? What did he do? What did any of us do to deserve this? I went into his room and just stood there. I never felt as empty as I did then. I grabbed Jesse’s favorite Winnie the Pooh blanket and held it to my face. I crashed to the floor and broke down sobbing. Brianna came in silently and hugged me for what seemed like an eternity. She convinced me to get off the floor and go get some sleep. I trudged into my room and fell onto my bed.

            Jesse, my little brother, was born prematurely on October 10^th, 1997, weighing 1 pound, 10 ounces. He had to stay in the hospital for three months since he was so premature. The day he was finally able to come home, I was the happiest, proudest big sister ever. Even though I was three when he was born, I was so excited to be a big sister. When people would ask me how I liked being a big sister, I could not help but smile from ear to ear. My little brother was absolutely perfect. But, when Jesse was eight months old, my family got some life changing news. He was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy, which is a kind of brain damage. It affects a person’s movements, learning, seeing, hearing, and thinking. In Jesse’s case, he was not able to walk or talk. He was also partially blind. But that did not change my mind about how I felt about him. He was my little brother and I loved him to pieces. He was perfectly normal to me and that was all that mattered. Strangers, on the other hand, did not see it that way. Whenever we would go out into public with my brother, children and adults would just gawk at him like he was some hideous creature. I can understand little kids staring at him, but adults? He is just a child and he cannot help the way that he is. So, why would you stare at him in such a way? Seeing people staring at my brother would make my blood boil with anger. Finally, I got to a point where I would not let it bother me. I just turned it off like a light switch. I was not going to let complete strangers get the best of me.

            Even though Jesse had CP, he was still like a normal boy. His nickname was “Lil’ Man”. I honestly do not know how it came about, but it just stuck. His favorite food was sweet potato pie, he loved listening to Barney, and he loved to laugh. People could make him giggle, but I was the one that could get him to hysterically laugh. Hearing him laugh and seeing him smile always lit up my world. People that got to know Jesse were always touched by him. My second grade teacher, Mrs. Miller, was enthralled with him. At any school event that we brought Jesse to, she would turn her chair around and talk to him, rub his hand, and sing to him. There was always a light in her eyes whenever she saw him. I just wish more people could have been more like her.

            When you have a disabled child, nothing is ever smooth sailing. Jesse was always in and out of the hospital. He had to have several surgeries and he would get sick a lot. My brother would always go to a children’s hospital in Augusta, Georgia, since they had everything that he needed. Usually, I would miss school and stay at the hospital, I would stay at a friend’s house, or my dad would stay with me while my mom stayed with my brother. Thank goodness the staff at my elementary school was so understanding. One time when my brother was in the hospital, they all got together and bought Jesse some flowers and a teddy bear and had it sent to the hospital. It touched us that they cared so much for my brother and me.

            In July, 2005, that was when everything changed completely. One morning, my brother was not acting like his usual self. His eyes were half open and he was very quiet and groggy. I could not even get him to laugh for me. Of course, my parents were concerned, so they decided to take him to Greenville Memorial Hospital. I went to go stay with my friend at the time, Shelley. When my parents realized things were serious, they stayed at the hospital and let me stay with Shelley. My parents took me up to the hospital twice to visit my brother. I never realized how bad it was until I walked into his hospital room. He was hooked up to ventilator to help him breathe. There were wires, tubes, and beeping machines everywhere. The smell was sterile and the room was a dull white. As a twelve year old girl, it was too much to take. Seeing my brother in that condition nearly killed me, especially knowing there was not a single thing I could do for him. The doctors concluded that what probably happened was he had a seizure very early in the morning while we were asleep. The severe strength of the seizure, for a lack of better words, messed up his brain and could no longer function the way he could before. Doctors told my parents that if they kept Jesse on life support, then he would pretty much be a vegetable for the rest of his life. So, my parents were forced to make the most difficult decision in their entire life.

            July 31^st was an excruciating day. I was not there when Jesse’s life support was turned off. My parents thought it was best for me to stay home. They let my best friend, Brianna come over and keep my company. Originally, my mom’s friend, Beth, was supposed to pick us up, to help keep my mind off of everything. But she never showed up. I never did find out why. So, Brianna and I found ways to keep ourselves entertained. We played games, talked, and danced around to some of my parents’ old CDs. My neighbor stopped around 6 PM and asked us if we wanted Blue Bay Seafood. Of course we agreed and before we knew it, we were eating popcorn shrimp for dinner. My mom called to check on us a few times throughout the day. They had no idea how long it would take for Jesse to actually pass once the life support was turned off. At around 2:30 AM, 13 hours after his life support was turned off; our angel finally went home to the Lord.

            Since Jesse passed away, I look at life in a totally different perspective. Losing my little brother taught me that I need to take advantage of every opportunity that comes my way. If I do not grasp what I want most in life then the opportunity may not be there the next day. It applies to family, friends, boyfriends, jobs, and most importantly college. Choosing to go to college was the best decision I ever made for myself. I knew that if I did not go to college, I would have a tough road ahead of me. I did not want to let an opportunity as important as this go down the drain. Every day when I walk on campus, I know that I am blessed for everything that I have. It is never easy to lose someone that you love, but I know that Jesse is watching over me. When the sun shines, I know that is him smiling down on me. And even though the wounds never truly heal, I know he is in a better place and one day we will meet again.